kneeling by her

 strange dream when i took a nap on the couch and i was walking down a alley way near an aaprtment and someone was like screaming at me and i tried to look behind which was forcing myself ot wake up and took me a while to realise where i was and no longer in the dream. forcing my eyes open feeling

[Verse 3] Man, I feel like mold, it's prom night and I am lonely Lo and behold, she's walkin' over to me This must be fake, my lip starts to shake How does she know who I am? And why does she give a damn about me? "

my sense of self is lost in being struct down by a kind of refusal to enjoy my body like i must suffer and make everything harder tho i still try. the plans around me to wake me up getting stronger then i black and am thinking about curses which are my karma when i dont make the choice to get out of hell.  writing a song about only god knows  sending a drum beat and being selfish in a way that is present. creating pain for myself being a statue. being honest about being selfless 

dream catching the bus to sale and im about to go for a 7 hour drive bus to a small cpuntry town. the man on the bus has a pig casing for a pouch which he is probably going to put bodies in. i devide not to go and sit in the square complex of sale outside the mall. 

dont be too much in the present because thats when u lose touch of reality 

bad luck is offically over  in my 3 days of sleep 2 days of being awake  i am forfilled full asleep  i am full  with reflections of stars on the clouds two birds flying in meditation paraylisis by ampthetamine delayed memories  piggie swauks try again  its painful  and you try  sex 

dream  inside a long elongated bedroom where tash is having a kind of party the bedroom in another room it is dark maybe they are taking sedatives. recuriting for a military role. casting for tne army. we have the costumes some people applying sre evil perhaps a man is stalking me.  going to a house opening apparently it is the most beautiful house on the street but i dont have a application so just sit out the front why other people inspect the house. it is a long porch opening dark blue tin. i cant get in so sneak into the house where the "party" is  next part of dream i am am maybe trying to hide  there is a poisonous plant nastrthaum my mum is trying to tell me it isnt poisoning but i think it is 

i had a dream of wearing child bones like they do in india. then at work today had a deja vu moment of children waiting for me. then when this parent came in who i predicted evil, trying to hand signal this kid who in that moment showd a symbol of peace.

having the thought i need to take to feel something again or wake up to the esorteric reality tho that seems like scam. life is enough and if anything the slow normality is what i asked for.  secondly the moments in a day i am unable to fully process at work. the holding back tears moment knowing deep down the cause for a childs pain to scream out and havoc the entire school yard throwing every object in sight the path of destruction.  just lucky someone can see through it understand if you dont give child a chance to explore the emotions later in life they may never have the courage to take that somersault. as in they may never learn to express their emotions and become violent to self or others (neurotic).  i dont think we think enough how neurosis is a act of violence.  sitting around wasting my day.  riding the train back and fourth and reading a book. sitting under a tree going to the beach swimming in the ocean. drinking a hot chocolate when its 40 degree ...

fridget a matter of being fridget  a dead end gulf circumference  if you do not face the torture then later on you may suffer? so talk about how i believed they were spys and set me up and then the closest use would work for them to track me down and ended up having a baby. so i have been scarred.  the dull thoughts brain washing from working a normal job. no prostitution which lurked and ruined my life but either way without prostitution i had terrible men who manipulated me and diseased me in harsher conditions than the money making scenerio. worse.  how could u disregard lifes peace? throwing my phone into the train tracks  just do it peacefully life forever peacefully  thinking about the notes i wrote down when i was in psychosis which was just ptsd trying to work out the diffirent Degrees to which the manipulation master mind tactics were at work. the ideas about immortality, if you have already died  then hearding the guy at the bottle shop say h...

cuz when i was a kid i use to sacrifice myself all the time. choose an option so worse shit wouldnt happen 

this dream i may have had when i was sleeping in the park was like a memory of me when i was pregnate. was actually a time i felt really gentle and naturally flowing, in this dream which felt more like a memory i was dancing. like soft ballet kind of dancing with lots of airy hand movements . in the park when i woke up from my sleep it felt as tho a small dog was with me and told me to wake up at that exact moment. maybe it was to get me out of potential trouble (murders) like a guardian angel. it took me a while to come to and realise i was by myself and no one was with me 

the strange encounter where i looked into this guys eyes feeling a sense of familiarity almost like a unconscious connection shock remind me of someone else then i find out the link between the cult and the hills.. a genetic similarity like wtf i saw it before it happen 

dream - going into a fashion show. wearing a long coat with white underwear and a hat. the guy im seeing is y and is more so stalking me. i have to try and hide from him. staying in this house which is like a orohanage on top of a hill. i have to hid in a lot of the room or when there is a lot of people around so i cant be seen. there is ocean surrounding like an island. scene where i swim in the ocean. jump off a boat it is very deep and the boat forgrts about me. there are lots of fish and sharks. scene where i get back to the house? y is trying to tell me i have to go to prison but really he is manipulatung me. the house is similar to the McGowan's, the family who lived across the road from me when i was growing up. hiding in between rooms. scene i am making a dish i have been instructed to specifically. it has rice milk slithers of onion and honey. 

Handing Back The Shame  notes on jung  you have to take the whole into account beyond good and evil is the only way through  unconsious is reality conscious is fraud reality  simulation ?  u have to study your dreams as it is information that can be achemized it is a acess point  knowledge is when both merge together consious and unconsious  u have to study your visions  fanasty  is sex a acess point to uncosious ?  to be fair ive never completely understood or had the guts to face what my sexuality stands for  the visions i have and when they have been warnings  texting my friends 

in my alley way prayer  The Pure Fool - from naivety to wisdom"  -  is sex important. having an orgasam? is it important ? incest - how its normal to some, its what you grew up with - the thought " this is how you learn how to do it"  they take advanage of you. they see it as nothing. a crime, not a crime. it happens all around you. reading a magazine. reading peter sotos. reading an interview on pedohiles in prisons. studying pedohphelia for at least 2 decades of my life. getting to the grit of it. getting to the core of it. being horny. the first time yoi felt horny. the first time you took acid. how it felt normal. how you thought it was normal. someone creeping into my tent. someone touching my body softly tickling me. why you dont smoke weed. who youre a schitosphrenic. feeling abandonded. living in a apartment. trying to work out why i feel guilty. not going to work. working with children. not able to comprehend the flight. having sex with children. adults havi...