kneeling by her

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Showing posts from July, 2026

like feeling free if im homeless is dumb

im literally in a state of psychosis about the way i fear going home

if you dont let yourself go and surrender to the terror feeling in your body u will disspciate then u will feel shame. deal shame and thats your outward karma created. you have to be in your body and do not let the terror over ride the beauty of being in your body and feeling alive with joy

its all inside us

a spiritual moment of understanding what the album girls laughing is about

privacy is violence

im having an audio flashback of me screaming as a child for my dad not to rape me

in the backyard my parents often naked did my brothers witness it unknown why disgust for me that i think is oncest related always telling yourself to forget shame used dissociation to cast a vail over a mass reality. i remember having nightnares times calling out to my mum in terror . that terror i felt when u first realised it was my dad that raped me, the same terror i felt when it happened. trapped inside my body. still to this day. its like shame then u dissociate or the shame and u feel bad about it like a karmic cycle. my dad only touched me rarely and once hold out his little finger only. how desperatly i pleaded with my mum him not to take me to ballet dance. reasons u can fCe it now are the triggers of my brother. overcoming shame or being more aware of it. triggered in my body by my brother. being in nature and feeling safe. beig strong enough in my mind i can face it.

a dream a man on staircase who is like cool and easy going

because i felt safe in india i could confront this

no one knows me because of shame.

so all that bad paranoid shit is real what u gonna do homie but surre der to it and then u know the truth

when you analyse your day life like its a dream. the symbols so u switch up consiness

dream i forget but a woman in a house again acting like a kind of guide. dure in the night i kept waking up from the cold and as i wake up id have these direct clear thoughts, as though my hugher self was telling me how to be. the thoughts were like all you have to do is believe or relax just really simple. that everything works out for me. just focus on being joyful and aware and in oneness a buddha giving thanks to all the buddhas for the moment we have in peace

did someone say incest out loud? you horny fucker

abuse makes you doubt your own reality. hence why you must be careful of putting vindictive situations above you. as u r seseptible.

you have to kick shame in the butt. you cant let it prevent you from being in tour body, so enjoying life being in bliss honesty joy. you have to move above shame and force yourself to relax and be in the present as a buddha to prevent world karma from your stiffled actions. you must force peace on yourself breathe

dream: in the dream i am told to recite the buddhas name whenever i have a negative thought to prevent negative action (karma). i am meeting two girls who make music and live in a house with large hall way walls red. they are both wearing classic party 2000s dresses with sparkle upper tops. i tell the girl she has a cool style. the two girls are almost too cool and kind of laugh at me with loving eyes. i am living next to them in a small apartment. eveerydayi get home at 9pm. two people get mad at me when i have negative thoughts. they are effected by my negative/thought feeling. are telepathic so can hear me. thats when i am reminded to recite the buddhas name before it happens.

thank the countless buddhas before and after you. who guard the entire land. the diamond mind.

in this beaten down woods how can you know how can you really know the diffirence between the body. the emotions the body in the middle and the outside which leaks the inside

make yourself in such a way that you enslave the divine !

surrendering the body to gods presence

you dont want to create low frequency thoughts so u must meditate. its the responsibility for everyone. they dont mame the reality you do. with your inner being

people talk back to the collective voices sometimea out loud screams. thats what happened when people acreaned around you cuz they picked up on you being afraid or fearful so it hurt them. they were trying to teach you ? and its passed on to those tgat are often from the cult and may be drug takers. or in higher dimensions. so eveyone can hear your thoughts who is tapped in. to keep safe you have to change your thoughts so you can staywithin that frequency. lower frequency is where trouble can occur. be consiousness of your thoughts so you can keep the karma of peace. it is for survival.

when you hear shouting crude names its actually the collective unconsious that is reacting you for creating a lacking energy. the evil thoughts intrusive is because you are not staying on the path of love. so you pick up the evil thoughts. tge collective consious speaks to you through your mind. its not just your own thoughts or the energy u are around it is everyones voice in the collective. listen to the voices you hear. and see what happens when you change your frequency. do they disspear ? you have the blood. to notice it. everyone is talking to one another constantly. not everyone can pick up on it. revealing secrets in it can cause a misfire and people are blamed or hurt as its secret. everyone is always communicating with y. you can hear peoples thoughts. you create it or u hear another persons. sometimes they are swearing that is their energy/thoughts transferred into your own mind. they taught u how to speak telepathically. they use rape to open you up to psychic abalties. they said wow often cuz they could hear my thoughts. it was difficult to communicate with everyone cuz i expect people to have telepathy also subconsiously ? psych farm. collective consiousness speaks.

this is no longer just about you"

you have to create the peace whoch goes into the field. everyone picks up on everyones energy all over the world. you have to create that peace in your being so you create a smooth "bubble" in the field of body consiousness we are all adding to / creating. oneness > compassion. compassion is the care for all. to create a space for eeveyone as in oneness . creating love and compassion only so then you create the good karma. for everyone. not a karma cow.

pick one to be one to be in control forever" still plant house lyrics. to feel as much. trying not to feel choose to feel . chose your heart.

same birth date..

location floral carpet of where you were raped. second time able to remember ut first week as a kid then weed older and first when you almost fainted dizzy walking as a child.

when y showed me how i was making him react from my energy field. because he is an empath. it was to teach me "burning for you,. becoming hell to show you. the statement, the first time i dided. the first time you were raped. its like the beginning of dissocation. then you get your consiousness back. and thats like awakening. in the other dimensions, people are effected by me. specifically extrememly. in a intense way to teach me i am creating the outside world. teachers peaks to the inside of you making it of their own account to show you who u r inside.

resposibility for the entire field . 10 directions ypu are always aware of. manage your shame dissociation for everyone existing on earth as one

out here act8ng like a damn child, eating chocolate stealing chocolate checking out abandos dying my hair pink and learning about karma and how to create peace on earth. how to end all violence within myself by making art that is simply taking videos. making whipped creame for dinner, i stand in peace

karma is like quantam mechanics. your inner world creates the outside world. karmic actions. your action inside you then turn to your body then turns to the outside images from your mind. must be consious of how your body reacts to prevent.

i was feeling uncertain. more disturbed to see someone you know turning into going down a path of ugliness, which you have seen people go down before, and that hurting you. it is dis heartning to see it happen to someone you know your family. so you have to be of wisdom. try and help but at the same time protect your aura as u r triggered. you can however be the guide.

unsure if brother is trying to manipulate me. may be doing it unconsiously. as unable to face his own hurt. so i am left to feel like i am unseen or unworthy. myst know how i react is knowing the truth with compassion and clarity for my creations. can not be felt to be a victim or turn on self due to otger peoples projections of their own pain. .. with others is always a moment for truth. to be truthful and to be kind compassionate. serious sensitive, smart. weed helps you see the truth in your thinking. non victim hood. create the reality of peace and compassion. i cant deal with alcohol i cant deal with twnsion if been drinking need to stay focused. know my own truth.

dream. driving along a car or train. there is a woman in it who is crazy. on like a trip. a boy plays guitar and does a pefprmance jumping around. i tell him to be careful cuz people will steal his astro ideas before he releases them. it is like a long train trip. next scene a girl is to get off, sshe is indecisive. and drops her note pad almost in the middle of the train tracks. she is frightned of the crazy woman.

healthy by spiritual hygine

makes me feel proud and safe"

this feeling of shame when i look at my clothes hanging up. i have felt in the past ashamed that i could possibly hold honour integrity proud of myself. shame that i could be a standing tall person. who is proud of theirself. i am proud of myself. integrity. virture. honour. freedom. fun.

when i speak i speak as reality which is truth

did my prayerssp i wouldntspeak i am reality soeakingthat is truthreality

thought forms shall self liberate on their own. be in the natural state of being. not in psyche, creating samsara out of grip to thought forms and feelings

dream: going to a rave. there are huge warehouses where bikies live or are staying in the abandonded one. one man makes a shirt t shirt that is has a red underlay and white. i am walking with myles. he says the shirt is for everyone cuz the knowledge how to make it is in the collective unconsious. the man has long hair. ge is apparently friends with my dad becayse he likes dark complicated people. next scene i am going to give izzy a cassette of my work. she asks me about my drinking habit. i say i drink from shame she says no need to do that, just be real honest and u dont need to drink. next part of dream two cool girls ask for my number. they draw pictures with alter names. the two girls are freaks who are cool and invite me in. maybe similar to the woman at the op shop with the cat face tattoo and the pink and black lines on the forehead.

listen to the songs u made instrument only then sing over to find the lyrics. long spread out vocals . like guitar or harp

i want crack, double happiness cigarettes and an energy drink.. one can only dream!

dream: my brother at a type of festival rehersal and with another man who tells him to leave or is kicked out of the house due to being a crappy person. in the dream the other man confirms that he is treating poorly towards me.

listen to the songs u made instrument only then sing over to find the lyrics. long spread out vocals . like guitar or harp

i woke up this morning to find tiny bugs on the surface. a sign from the unconsious to face up. it was also a strange dream/vision/ visceral memory i had laying in bed, a feeling like i am a rock being tied down with strings. its a memory feeling from childhood. which i have been graced with. i think a trigger is important, then the alchemy of it

a strained down rock. tied down sensation with strings attached. a kind of vision or a feeling that came up that seemed to be linked to a feeling i had in childhood.

dream- chilling with lena dunhum. she shows me all tgese rock ceremics that have a smell that comes out like a air humidifer . the rocks smell like manderine. by the beach. i am with jar. we are going out

schotsophrenia hands down for myhomies

wanna be a chef thenwake upfool

cusine learning here is food is tainted !!

what r ugunna say little miss greyhound ofbamna breath frothfor a dead man dead man u fools

pen to fucking paper fool

food is tainted, its diagusting

thebread tastes like vomit. thebus triedto park up with thecops to brainwashme.as theydid with the chicken, faulty chicken inthe family. deserving brain wash, let it marinate food fault

at a type of contestabt show. having to make tgese balld like a cake decoration tho the balls dessert was made in a kind of sewer place full of shit on the surfaces. they are like indian dessert balls serving for guests. there is a time limit and have to work very carefully to make sure they dont fall on the poo

dream. i move to london. walking around trying to find an apartment to move into but i have no money. the apartments are like in footscray. all my friends live inside them. that girl mary is on the top corner floor. she is dressing up diffirent halloween outfits. jay said he lived in london for one year. there is a river corssing, a red artefact face in a playground. all the apartment buildings are a bit like methy elevators commision housing

focus on making a song and a video clip for the song lip syncing. record instruments at the seaside playground

that feeling at the pool cafeteria which felt like i seen it before in a dream

going to see lou who has made all these dessers including a purple panna cotta that will be fried. annd cakes. i am meant to visit as the phone was left pff the cord and i need to put it back on ad she is waiting for an important call. however i do not want to go due to social anxious. a finger has been cut off and part of a hand. the house is at mums parents. when lou lives. i am at the family home in maffra. i am trying to figure out where to leave the chopped hand body part. there are two options either on the side to have air or the side it will rott and get eaten by a possum. somehow the hand limb can talk. there is also a finger cut off. outside the front there is a group of people dressed in military camo however they are just kids. they are discussing something under a power line. someone puts up a sign tho i cant recall the word starting with s or v

dream. hayless is in lpve with me at a dance. i am. in love with that millie girl from steiner. at a locker hostel place. packing all my things. an asian giy leves a note saying dont assume whhrre is. i figure out the psychpsis in real life and it means i am resbonsible for everything that happens in the world. the sexual power in the body used as it brings comfort changes temperature. and its about not being a sadist fonding real joy. the spys* are testing me to make sure i am focused on higher levels of consiousness (joy, peace ect). they test if im sadist . y is sitting at the bottom of a hill in a garden, maybe lights around, smoking a cigarette. there is a group pf ypung spys who are told to kill pedophiles..they have fancy gaming computers. if u dpnt learn or understand how you effect the world for everyone they spys will teach ypu tp see your mistakes.

wasnt meant to drink last night but did that manic drunk kept drinking walking kinda shit and just ended up paranoid making myself throw up the two hungry jacks burgers in a alley way in vic markets cuz i thought they had been poisined. either from someone who was assigned to murder me or by off chicken meat. alochol triggers psychosis paranoid brain and i gotta stop drinking for that reason

i was in psychosis when i booked this flight now im here and peaceful like my old self again by raised consiousness aware attentive to my need for solitude , focus for beauty, still hungover but im working on it. ill be clean today of alcohol and cigarettes. making bread and pasta from scratch. and being in oneness less identity less ego but love myself heaps. wise deep and ill get better at expressing kindness. need to be relaxed around friends and thats the test of getting closer. one woman at the waiti g area to board this flight and i recognise her maybe from the steiner course. total cult vibe in new zealand is apoarent. stark blue eyes white skin. its all part of it. spirit is everywhere

psychosis is god moment when you realise you create everything

photography of chinease restraunts tables

dream. im attracted to someone but to shy to say