kneeling by her

last summer is grief force. say uh oh out loud. my voice is all fucked up. next time i choke on my voice in public just say what is going on with my voice im losing my voice out loud and hold your stomach and breathe or do the zzz sound. secondly falling asleep in the drains under the trees on the ground and crying grieving bent down and feeling relieved but guilty afterwards for crying. thinking about incest and rice noodles. at the pool. marching drum beats i sight and hear the sexual tention between the adult and the child. trying to understand incest. in the fucking town going to buy a alcoholic drink and i remmeber the man that served me as i worked with him. older woman customer chatting to him is maybe like psychic and smells really stringly of urine and yeah is psychcic

death to

the way my mum tickled me to sleep gently touching my body and breathing over my body when i was a kid and saying "your boyfriend will do this to you". the way she made me confront my dad when i knew he abused me when it could have been a cover up cuz she did it. or at least she watched it happen

natural sexual encounters with your parents

the way i listened to my parents having sex getting horny as a child

the way my dad masterbated as i fell asleep

the way my dad watched me when i took a shower

its sickening to know i only feel horny around my parents

or anyone that replicates the same kind of fear

going insane on the train once again..

sucking on the last pieces of logical fruit

when the children came to my like a pack of wolves, growling i played along screaming we all laughed

before i forget the deja vu moment talking abouts UFOs on the beach in seaspray with my mum which was directly a dream i had...

they can feel the frequency in your bones" its about love"

i peaked in sexuality in childhood.

my sauron tattoo

if we fall, others are rising"

childhood can never be replaced it is the most beautiful time to be here. sun strands

happy halloween

then the child asks , why did this happen . because u had to learn collect the information your ancestors didn't figure out. everyone stares in the countryside

the wealth of the land

in the proximity of my dad . digging up my roots.

The Kingdom of Childhood

sunlit rays coming into the eyes gentle sensory organ the entire being bodily religious child screaming its windy as the wind blows in their face the full force of the element in joy

black magic child slaughter child rape machines walking to the edge of the fucking road sitting on the fucking side walk

cops kill gods

as a child i knew this spot under the bridge was telling truth. i find out decades later it did. sexual town predator

so this is why i sit here , why i sat w in such a way the memory

pedo meet up in the cuntry town! living 4 truth !

tiny town shed masterbation portal bush swamp never ending leaks

things u forget about the raped sister the raped baby . i seem to be a person some confess to. why is this so ? do i hold a coin of christ inside my blood?

it was maybe correct when they said even your friends are in on it. maybe this is why it seems i am losing connection. as they are aware of my state wish to slowly move away. stay within their brotherhood dynamic. keep me low and ridden. i live in the land.

the same card as mormons. looks out into the distance i dont know to cover it up

some kind of curse when someone speaks of others

terrifying nightmare dream. stayong at a house on the hill in hometown. alex lives there and is taking actual care. hugged. there is a gang man stalking me in the front yard. bottom of the hill and sone people are going to a party at the souts gall. alex says he wishes he was in berlin where the energy is. alex shows me a painting he did. pieces of material gathered together almost like a curtain.

dream in the ocean windy on a ship.an with baby says i have hungry eyes from smokingg. there is a new born baby and a turkish looking man. he may have been doing a sexual act infront of the new born baby. he says i have hungry eyes like im always looking for a cigarette but there is another meaning. the ocean ship, the water is coming on to the ship. it is night

all u pretty sluts will remain silent"

January 20, 2026

tough love

January 20, 2026

ill burn u when u need to learn a lesson "

January 20, 2026

most likely a killer. the imprint for a certain reason

January 19, 2026

i think a kind of black magick is dumbing one down to think about normal shit

January 18, 2026

so my mum was obsessed w this spiritual kinda thing be aware of your thoughts but felt like some kind of thing she never understood? and i am becoming aware now. like if u think of someone they will feel it. and maybe if u r depressed or in a bad way physically its actually from other people thinking about u in a bad way. or when u feel happy its cuz they send u kind thoughts. maybe thats a point to prayer . so never talk about someone cuz its like witchcraft black magick even..

January 18, 2026

early childhood religious devotion to its environment. child sense organ

notice how someone looks and tell them go by feeling

my dad having all the confused maze to find photo albums of kids porn (photos of me and my friends) i would hear him late at night wanking my bedroom next to where the computer room was . caught him once

what is passed on from the soul effects you and your body

go home to another plane

u create it

how u walk and speak imprints on a child deeply. before the learn to themselves

its not the brain but the soul that develops. they were trying to each you the only way what u create psychois*

imprints on the soul

they dont want me to be here because i create the suffering

if u love the soul u can create it

love is pain cuz u were abused

the awakened me to early which makes one insane. second part is im just like my dad listening to the radio 24/7

u have a mask and can read your soul. that guy from the cult

the idea that if u r sexually abused u may gain psychic knowledge so thats why cults do it on purpose

dream of crying in like a gutter or corner hysterical crying that i cant escape this paranoia and am overwhlemed by it like id have to go to a psych ward. it is unbearable tears i may even wake up crying from the dream. thankful its just a dream. other part of dream is onside cage with bees

January 16, 2026

memory at confest where they believe u can do anything like a man painting and its like his first time painting and it is perfect.

January 15, 2026

dull the mind in serendipity

January 15, 2026

that kind of peace

January 14, 2026

unable to relax. properly organsam. the buses run night in Sydney. looking out into the ocean waves crashing its hot and i need to get away. masterbating in a park in the night time. tunnel vision confusion spells. getting away

January 14, 2026

dream. a girl jumped off a cliff it was only out of luck she landed right on the shoreline at a area which was like a hotel. rocks and ocean. she wore high heels and a place where her dad took her so was sentimental to land it. and some kind of sex party. long hallways and a bed on a balcony. i think i am just getting some sleep then realise there are other people there who want to have orgies or whatever. i get up and leave and say i hate sex. in the dream the man has a small note pads above the bed and is wearing a nappy. two boys in the dream who say the last time they came to this sex festival place the they walked the whole way back and fourth down the hallways on hard drugs. the man is trying to talk to my unconsious. i am never able to relax or put my facade down tho i want to relax and sleep next to him. its like a free place but i cant be free and wish to be. its by the ocean lots of rocks and cliffs like wilsons prom

acess my demons of defence when i need to. the snake the bog

my dad watching donnie darko and being horny for the kids peforming scene but also irl me peforming at ballet school when i pissed my pants infront of every1 including the mirror !

steam sauna said thats the 1000th time i wake up happy wake up happy at 1000

awake at night when less likely to curse u

and that's the plan

the third flooding of the toilet - second really but third experience maybe fourth including the kitchen flood

feel happy a kids mum tells me he talks about me. i learn more or equally from children as they learn from me. thinking about the way i interact each moment to be complete present with them. never once a dull absent minded moment

child told me i kill aliens. second part "are you going somewhere or nowhere"

dream two trees i guve away one or lose one. i see it as a sacridfice. trees are inside the same pots i have. part of dream i am trapped on a rock cliff face about to fall but i find my way down. a man giving me a lecture on demons gnostic thought. camping somewhere wanting to masterbate with a female lover. people are calling out from tents i say im not up to date with anything that is of trend. sleeping near a path. cliff party people from revolver. dream is set like a valley ocean surrounding and cliffs a space i have dreamt of before

January 12, 2026

if im still in the grey area i think i know what that means noww -

including all spiritual planes

do not disturb the other dimensions. human force masking a natural state manioulating it . be gentle sensitive to whats around you

using magic to manipulate the will disturbs the balance of life yin yang. ?

emotions are illusions - free from emotions identity the world opens up oassing through. tho in magic emotions are maybe what creates power spells ?

dream about going to court . childhood friend appears in dream

abuse happens cuz unconsious is trying to understand what happened to them

the accused pedofile in my steiner studies and me screaming at him in front of the class

dont let emotions guide u. u decide what happens. new locations

i didnt understand it then but its coming back to me now. half state. wisdom the graffers. telling no one and becoming insane.

thoughts to help

your thoughts that go into someones heart will then go to their head and then feel that way. thats how u can curse or love someone

like being psychic

with less physical" desires there is more room for spiritual realm going without eating less less of desires

thinking various parks and locations are sydney or unsure from a dream

animals are inside us

because i had already died internally i die outwardly

this is the afterlife

the thought that im dead

if someone abuses me i take it as a lesson

they and telu u your destroying the earth and your an alien that shouldnt be here

they cover it up in other ways

the internet stops working when u have these thoughts

experience/wisdom oppose to staying safe ? fear

take the advice or roll the dice

eyes of love or desperation

people in cults with higher spiritual knowledge

what they told u at confest that your thoughts are real acceleration perhaps in spiritual knowledge that can be an overload for a child. lots of old people sitting around a fire passing out drugs to young teenagers. when the men had horns. old man taking photos of kids behind a tarp tent canopy topeless. naked children. i didnt think anything of it but he molested. next part of dream they spoke about eating dates not giving yourself the food u want allowing yourself love then the world will be a dull flim place.

u are the mirror. trying to teach u about energy and then guilt if you dont have a warm energy. a cold place that when u snapped out of the "psychosis" everyone was laughing to show u how you are the mirror. whats in your mind will be show to u in the external.tapped inside the mind. flesh prison .. they said something about pissing and shitting anywhere as if matter isnt part of u as you would walk over life and destroy it , precarious in a state of panic u asked what it is that immissing, i asked if its the ability to be in the present or love the man didnt answer me and kind of rolled his eyes as if id have to figure it out on my own lost at the festival, finding a tree in the dark

the kind of thoughts i have when making art is digging up the unconscious

mental pictures which make love a bond stronger. any mental image u have can be a curse or a blessing so perhaps better not to create such images unless incredibly precarious . or who knows perhaps u r then the time shifter ?

from the fairy tale u dont have any sins so you cant be hurt like the devil cant take anything from you your treasure or u wont be hurt because there are no sins in u . second part explains how words are just words and depends on the action if the word becomes alive

the kind of pedophile that wants a submissive doll

two sides of the coin

why did my dad tell me about water being contaminated by thoughts was he going insane around that time if your honest with yourselfthe truth will show itself slow down cuz u cant rush this kind of thing it is urgunt a matter of life and death to write it down scripts ect. dream notes the story of him in the room next door the old house the old house carpet bed curtains trees sounds of sirens sounds of birds the top of the hill the end of the hill the swamp and the driveway again and again there is no loop

dream asking n books to read on the topic of hell. one is like about young people maybe like my life. one book the title is written over so it doesnt actually read hell. if someone is upset their enotions low other can feed off you feed off the stagnate energy so u become more part of the simulation, that is easier to control. last night when i slept by the river making an exact choice to do do something to alter my path not what the obvious and predictable thing to do is. one thing the same everyday to strengthen your will. to strengthen something do it over and over again as d said. dream was srt in like a farm house. maybe here. i go to a neighbours house end of the hill like the hill in the town i grew up in. i go inside the house and ask for books specifically on hell. i get given 4 books. a scene in the dream watching a movie. the other person in the dream is painting maybe the movie we are watching but its turned upside down. the movie is like of a kid running down the road. the lounge room fills up with warm water it feels like a bath but then i think how dirty the water must be from the carpet. next part of dream they tell me i owe 4thousand dollars a woman

truth seeker blue

and there you watched me with a glazed stance this what becomes when u log into folly. 4get my memories of the past, buddhist siance by masterbation, the pure fool , the purity of master stion leave me to my type writer to qiestion the no standing fool of 4get

down low on my way, a chance to manipulate

vampire teeth in other ways

their joy is unbearable compared to the soldier

lavender dreams and it all comes to pieces

the way im looking for w forest / park in w city is by the view of the trew tops to direct me. movement directed by trees. second point is if i decide its there it is. children would be the at the peak of ridding from the simulatio. therefore i am withinstand of gods creations. power burst

so you decide what the numbers mean

lyrics : lavender dreams and it all comes to peace, i want u to die in my sleep

dream - two murders happen. bith murders are me but for some reason i am still alive and hang out with the murderer. one of the deaths is going through a kind of milk fairy factory processing in sewer. in a country farm town far away,, i see the legs tied together in second dream, taking a kind of pill

January 07, 2026

alley ways are god moments

like in the past the past, could hvlave made sense to me now, what i needed, i was blind then. and now its all coming back to me. like it prepared me when i was oblivious hunk

wake in fright - 40 degrees day Internet lard in a leather jacket - u and i enjoy suffering

theough incest they make the secret stronger

forgotten memories

when it was told in a dream you ended your life in an apartment and the cops were called second part is inside outside dynamics of magic the third part every aspect of your thoughts are damaging the earth uncontrollable thoughts if deep down evil

what more could u ask for the highest peak of chaos

stone cold sober

if you inagine you are somewhere else, be someone else thats like a invisable spell. 2. when you sleep you are invisible can not be hunted

January 05, 2026

dream. following y in a creek. its like figuring out that i am god. what path to take. he can be like an amgel or a devil. i look down from a cliff rock maybe like similar to at the blue pools setting. the thought that when i am not giving in the correct manner then these unconsious demon thought start like constant swearing and abusing. almost like a torrets. its a window looking into the soul. or like a clear image mirror?

January 05, 2026

reverse psychology so they trick u . something bad happens then make it joyful so u 4get

when abuse happens u get trapped inside the unconsious

getting your life back like retrieving all these lost memories like ive died and am in hell to understand getting all these lost memories back in one life time blue mountains when i wasnt afraid cuz the trauma didnt start then by anything real yet slowly back and fourth took a while to get it thru what they were trying to warn me vanish. we all go down together in acting school.

make notes of these memories

go back to the dream where i was in my childhood friend swedish mudbrck house and we saw a tiny flurocent catterpilla in the ceiling the tree house behind the footy evil the supermarket the swamp the endless skipping roap the skate park valley the drive way the tree out the front the letter box the hoses the bedrooms the ghost bedrooms in my grandmothers house the shack across the road the big fat man and the anorexic women hanging out after school in the alley way making potions metting at the scouts hall at the end of the hill the dark and air con cold rooms the paddocks the milk

p e do p h e l i a stunts for remembering

allimunum holes in the brain and life lessons

lifes lessons teach you as much as you need to know the experiences u face u will already be ready for teaching the path of predicting for the next life information u learn in this life carried on to the next only what u need to know so youll be ready for it when it comes less fearful of dying only trying to make you a skitz

witch witch witch ! pedophile ! punches womb

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i block my thoughts out when i live in a closed house tho telepathic they can hear me u ir in psychosus then what they tell u what u see make believe swittch it like u have no option or else u die seeing the truth sex and money troubles all your happy miricales way under ground pissing on you as u sit outside the flats slow steps as they try and remind of who u are when your sadisst ways traps u to interupt the peace and flow the faceial expressions stepping on to the street is your own life when they looked around and noticed you finally the mexican man is there watching you looking back slow evolution to the samur in suits they hate forigners its time for a movie after the money slug i am found the scent to entise but failed the dice i rolled in the past the cards i drew your memory of falling asleep without fear phone calls at night in the drain u r alone we've all been there before looking just...