having the thought i need to take to feel something again or wake up to the esorteric reality tho that seems like scam. life is enough and if anything the slow normality is what i asked for. 

secondly the moments in a day i am unable to fully process at work. the holding back tears moment knowing deep down the cause for a childs pain to scream out and havoc the entire school yard throwing every object in sight the path of destruction. 
just lucky someone can see through it understand if you dont give child a chance to explore the emotions later in life they may never have the courage to take that somersault. as in they may never learn to express their emotions and become violent to self or others (neurotic). 

i dont think we think enough how neurosis is a act of violence. 

sitting around wasting my day. 
riding the train back and fourth and reading a book. sitting under a tree going to the beach swimming in the ocean. drinking a hot chocolate when its 40 degree heat in Perth. 
watching a child get up and move seats a old man walk across the footpath. there are lots of plants. ferns like tropical weather. close to the sun. i feel close to the sun. 
i am still drunk when i wake up in the morning. i have enough will to place the important objects in the house above my head or at my feet when i sleep. to symbolise what is important and does death control by me or someone else. like in the fairy tale is it death by your own directions or death by someone else ? lead by the head or the feet 

.. 

then the feeling washed over me how those people those that take advantage of a kid a vunerable kid and to be so selfish and wash over them brain wash over them for almost ever for their greed they decide to have the better of it better of the kid, and then the child grows up, and is screaming, and is upset and is in trouble and school and cant express their emotions and no one knows and the abuser sits behind, watching it happen. in perfectly hidden in plain sight. hidden in plain sight. they watch the child in pain everyone confused when they know very much well what they did. the pain is never ending. 

.. 

reading books

reading parzifal
reading faust 

.. 

syncochrisity my lifes work 

visions and dreams 

.. 

in the corner of a playground and questioning the vision how i could tho not myself but how right in my moment is just when one could abuse. the vulnerability of that moment to rape a child. hidden in plain sight. 

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